Never A Cross Word
by buddieswithbilis
Summary: When Ianto is forced to spend most of the day in Jack's office ... the rest of the team become determined to find out why.


**A/N : **Another ( and hopefully the last that will be needed for a while ) short story from the BBC Collection … ( that's the buddieswithbilis back catalogue collection …. not _'the'_ actual BBC you understand! )

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Never A Cross Word

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Ianto! A word?

With an audible sigh, the sometimes archivist, most times janitor, looked up from his black bin liner to find a Captain sized finger being crooked in his direction.

As Jack disappeared from view, looking back at Owen with another sigh, Ianto rolled his eyes.

The medic sent him a grin. "Come on, Ianto, what've you done this time?"

Ianto shook his head in a polite 'I'd rather not go there if it's all the same with you' manner, then dropped his rubbish sack to the floor; seemingly not caring at all where it'd landed as he began to make his way over to Jack's office.

"'Ere, Tosh, whad'yer think's up this time?" The doctor asked their technician, prompting her to look unappreciatively away from her much more interesting screen of barometric pressure readings.

"This time?" She exclaimed already shaking her head at him. "I haven't worked out what the last three times were about yet let alone this one … and for me, well, that's really saying something."

"Yeah," he acknowledged, nodding back at her. "You have a point; that is very unlike you. But I wonder what _is_ going on between those two this time."

As the proximity alarm went off and the cogged wheel rolled back, they both looked over to see Gwen trip her way into the hub in what appeared to be a new and not overly comfortable fitting pair of boots. Owen made a note of the considerable number of carrier bags that were cutting in to her whitened fingers then waited for her to draw a little closer before observing with his usual show of comical astuteness, "Been shopping, have we, P C Cooper?"

"No, Owen." She announced loudly, her tongue already sharpened; her tone suggesting that she'd been expecting some sort of a comment like this since setting foot over the threshold of Faith's. "Got a bit bored while I was out, I did; thought I might lug this lot around just for the sheer fun of it!"

"Alright, alright …. I only asked." He gasped, raising a brow in Toshiko's direction who, very cleverly, was already making a point of ignoring him.

"Okay, come on then peeps, what's occurring?"

Gwen finally settled the bags of shopping down by her work station and began to remove her jacket. "Have I missed anything interesting?" She asked looking at each of her two colleagues in turn.

"Jack wanted another word."

They both told her in unison, their hushed voices making the fact seem far more intriguing than it actually was.

"You're kidding." Mouth gaping she fell down onto her chair. "Seriously, though?"

"Deadly." Owen nodded, glancing accusingly over at Jack's office as he did.

"But that's what … three times now?" She gasped.

"Four." Both Owen and Toshiko, again at the same time, told her sagely.

"Wow …. Ianto must really have bollocksed up this time."

As she fell back in her seat, Gwen's show of concern was growing. "I wonder what he's done this time, the poor little love." She mused out loud.

"Oi, look out, he's already on his way back." Shushed Owen, pretending to study a screen that was currently blank.

"I wonder what Jack's been saying to him?" Whispered Toshiko as Ianto drew closer and they all, rather guiltily, looked downward.

"Or doing." Added Owen, before noting helpfully, "Though he's not walking like he's just jumped down from a horse, so they've not been …"

"Yes … thank you, Owen." Interrupted Gwen with her low hiss shutting him up before he could go any further.

"Everything okay?" Asked the medic himself as Ianto finally came within earshot.

"Fine." Came the answer with an unconcerned smile and bending down to retrieve his rubbish bag, Ianto got back to completing his task.

All three of his colleagues eyed him suspiciously as he set about clearing away the half-eaten remains of an apple plus two empty Walker's packets,from Gwen's desk without another word on the matter.

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TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

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"Ianto! A word please?"

Barely thirty minutes had passed since the last yell, and as a sighing Ianto wandered into his boss' office Owen decided he'd finally had enough.

"Okay, that does it. There's something funny goin' on between those two, ladies, and I don't like it. Next time he comes out I'm gonna ask him straight up what they're up to." He decided, falling back in his seat to fold his arms in a strop.

"Well I can't hear any revealing noises." Murmured Toshiko, blatantly eaves-dropping and meaning the very obvious.

"Good point, Miss Sato," praised the doctor, "but they can't be arguing either ….. because we can't hear Jack shouting."

"Yeah, fair do's, Owen." Gwen agreed, looking over to their boss' office, hoping to catch a glimpse or two of some movement. "He loves a good old shout when he gets a cob on does our Jack."

"Well, he can shout as much as he bloody well likes." Owen told her decisively. "Because one way or another, the next time he comes back out, I'm gonna get Ianto to spill the beans."

"Rhys likes beans." Shared the Welsh woman amongst them with a wide, toothy smile.

The fact, of course, had been totally unrelated to what they'd so far been discussing, but finding the subject interesting herself she'd thought they might like to know about it as well.

"Good plan, Owen."

Trying not to laugh at Gwen's previous comment, Toshiko made a point of getting back to their original thread of conversation. "But you know how secretive Ianto can be; you'll need to get him in the right frame of mind before you can start interrogating him about any of this."

"Yeah, actually, Tosh, you've got a point there." The doctor agreed; his fingers already thrumming against his chin as he began to ponder over the fact for a bit longer

As she thought of something helpful, the Asian woman's petite face lit up with a smile. "You could always try doing the tidying up for him while he's gone." She suggested brightly.

Before the final word had left her mouth Owen had already slunk back in his seat. "Jesus Tosh! Steady on love; don't get too carried away …. I don't wanna know what he's been up to _that_ much!"

The two women laughed at the predictable quip and he would've sneered at them both in return had they not suddenly been staring apprehensively at the man in a suit making his way back over to them.

Ianto smiled at them all as he approached.

"Okay, come on, Ianto what the hell's going on?" Barked Owen causing the archivist/ janitor/ suspected plaything, to stop dead in his tracks.

"Shouldn't you be asking Tosh that?" He came back with straight away. "After all, she is the only one out of all five of us that bothers to check for rift activity on a regular basis."

The doctor fell back in his seat with a huff. "That's not what I mean and you know it! So, come on, out with it; what're you and Jack up to this time?"

Ianto smiled that smile, flicked both brows then turned away to retrieve his trusty bin liner.

With the two women silently prompting him to try again, Owen leaned around the side of his terminal to find the Welshman.

"Okay, how about you just tell us why Jack keeps calling you into his office?" He tried in his best bedside manner.

"Ah ….."

Straightening and lowering his bag of refuse to the floor, Ianto's hands found his hips. "You've noticed, then, have you?"

"Yes, Ianto, of course we've noticed." Gwen told him, fixing him with a wide-eyed stare. "So, come on, what's been occurring between you two this time?"

"Well," he started, suddenly willing to share all with them. "You remember that incident last week ….. the one with the suicidal cephalopod?"

"You mean the one that threatened to blow up Cardiff, then showered most of Queens Street with black ink when Jack blew it to pieces anyway?" Grinned Owen.

"Hmmm, that'd be the one." Ianto couldn't help but grin back at him. "Anyway, Jack asked me to stop off on the way in this morning to grab a copy of the local paper, you know, so that he could do the usual; check that the report on the incident was appropriate."

"So was there a problem with the report then, Ianto?" Asked Toshiko, her dark eyes glinting with the hope that she might get to hear some juicy Jack related gossip.

"No, the report was fine," he told her. "Jack was quite pleased with it actually."

"I guess that means it says flash git with lots of teeth saves people of Cardiff with his big weapon." Laughed Owen.

"Oh, you've seen it too, have you?" Ianto laughed back at him, more than willing to join in with the doctor's ribbing about Jack.

"I'm his doctor; of course I've bloody seen it!" Owen tutted with a serious face before quickly grinning again.

"Hold on, if it's so bloody big, how comes I've never seen it?" Asked Gwen glaringly disappointed. "Tosh, have you seen it?" She asked turning to the demure woman next to her.

"Cctv …" Was all she needed to say to make Gwen pout.

His grin wide, Owen straightened in his seat. "So, if it's nothing to do with the size of his todger, or the report, what the bloody hell is up with him?"

"Ah," smiled Ianto, his lips rolling guiltily inward, "that would be our little disagreement over what he found waiting for him twenty pages on from the report."

"Which was?" Hurried Gwen looking exasperatedly over at the archivist/ out of hours companion/ stopwatch operator, adding with a hiss, "God, come on, Ianto, you know I hate it when you go all Miss Marple on us."

"The crossword page." Ianto told her straight away, no longer able to keep his grin at bay. "When he hinted that he might hide himself away for a while with the cryptic clues, I might have told him that he didn't have the patience to do any sort of crossword. And then when he said he'd do the word-search puzzle instead, I sort of told him that he wasn't analytical enough to spot anything with more than three letters."

"So, all of this calling you into his office has been over a sodding word-search puzzle?" Gasped Owen already unimpressed.

"Yep. When I left him to it the first time I joked that he should call me if he got stuck on any." Ianto sighed, obviously having regretted his choice of words since.

"So, all this, 'Ianto ….. a word', has been him, literally wanting ….. a word….." Realised the doctor.

"Yep."

"So how many has he found on his own so far?" Laughed Gwen.

"None … not one." Ianto told her with another of his sighs. "I've found every single bloody one of them for him; all he's had to do is outline them all in biro."

"Oh, that's kind of sad." Pouted Tosh. "Are you sure he's not just been playing a game with you, Ianto?"

"Nope." He huffed sternly. "He's bloody useless, but don't tell him I said that, will you." He finished off in a quieter voice.

He watched as his three colleagues each shiftily shook their heads from side to side.

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"He's standing right behind me, isn't he ….." He sighed, realising the fact without having to turn around.

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"Ianto? ….. …. …. A WORD!"

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Lids slowly falling, Ianto mouthed an expletive up to the ceiling then turned to follow his boss.

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"Well, ladies," noted Owen, that satisfied grin of his stretching from one ear to the other, "I think we can safely say that, this time, he really _is_ in trouble!"

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Thanks for reading ….. bwb.


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